


choosing wrong on purpose

by flashates (flashbacksofhate)



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-19
Updated: 2019-02-18
Packaged: 2019-10-31 07:20:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17844923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flashbacksofhate/pseuds/flashates
Summary: They say the best way of finding your path is losing it. But Kim Dongyoung has been lost for nearly five years and no good fucking path was on sight. Maybe people lied to him. Maybe the path he knew was bad was the one for him...The one with Jung Yoonoh waiting for him, like he promised he would.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Maybe I love relationships that develop from childhood to adulthood a bit too much 
> 
> This is -slightly- inspired by BTS's lost lyrics (a whole bop). Only slightly, because while the song is more about the inspirational side, I wanted to give it a sort of romance involved switch.

 

Doyoung can’t remember when was the precise moment he felt he was lost, completely. It started as just episodes, times when he would put his head between his knees and distance himself until his head stopped spinning around nonsense problems. The episodes then became more frequent. Doyoung gave up on friendships that didn’t check on him when he needed them the most, on people he thought cared, but didn’t. But the one he clung onto tightly was his everlasting friendship, Jaehyun, the golden boy and the cause of half his problems. While it wasn’t Doyoung’s fault that he fell for him, what actually was was his overthinking of things.

 

Jaehyun allowed Doyoung to cling onto them, onto the great friendship they used to have before Yoonoh became distant. Never pushing him away, but never holding him back. Just sitting still while Doyoung made him this anchor, his nearly only tie to life.

 

Or, at least, that was at the beginning.

 

Some months later, Jaehyun realised something was really wrong with Doyoung, and they talked. Jaehyun looked very concerned the entire time, and Doyoung was regretful that he told him.

 

Specially because after that Jaehyun basically disappeared. He received a long text, from which Doyoung concluded that the relationship they had -severely important to him- meant little to nothing to Jaehyun. Of course, why would it, when there were more important things in the world?

 

But it did say something. Something that Doyoung read, but didn’t pay too much attention to because he was too upset about the other parts of the text.

 

_Look for me when you feel like you need me for real, because I think you’re just using me as a venting channel. I also think that being away from me will help you think some things. See you in a couple of years, hopefully._

 

Ever since, Doyoung had changed cellphones a couple of times, so there was absolutely no chance he still had the message. He didn’t remember it completely, only the part that said he was going away and was going to be unreachable for a bit. Whatever it was, Doyoung didn’t contact Jaehyun, he didn’t even try to. He was so hurt and abandoned and alone… how could he go back to the one who pushed him away?

 

Doyoung got worse. He started failing at everything. Most things he loved before, now he felt apathy towards them. He wasn’t exactly thinking things like Jaehyun suggested, but he still felt his head spinning just from feeling, just from longing.

 

He missed Jaehyun, but he’d be damned if he ever let himself admit it.

 

If he ever came back, he never wanted to know, he decided. He banned his friends from talking about his (former?) best friend, and they agreed, Mark being more reluctanct than everyone else. Maybe because Mark was the only one who knew both sides of the story, and the only one who actually admitted to the possibilty of whatever went on between Jaehyun and Doyoung being nothing but a misunderstanding. Not even Doyoung thought of that, and Doyoung was a serial overthinker.

 

He regretted every second of falling for Jaehyun like it was nothing.

 

Jaehyun, as predicted by pretty much everyone, did come back eventually, a bit upset and sulky about Doyoung never finding him, but when he heard about his current situation it all washed away and he began to actively look for him in the places they used to go to.

 

They met again in the supermarket, by coincidence. Like in a bad, very cringy and with a lot of clichés movie, they reached for the same mac and cheese box, and they looked at each other.

 

Doyoung’s heart stopped for a second, and then it started beating really loudly in his ears, his cheeks becoming a strong pink. Jaehyun had gotten really fucking handsome in those years. He looked so manly and so so so so attractive. But he was never meant for Doyoung, so he looked away and let go of the box, picking another one at random and fleeing. Jaehyun chased after him, and stopped him.

 

“You look beautiful, Dongyoung”.

 

It was Jaehyun using his real name that made him stop, the beat of his heart becoming deafening to everything else. Damn, he really was smitten.

 

He couldn’t help it when the words rolled out of his mouth, fast and sincere.

 

“I missed you, _Yoonoh_ ”.

 

And then, somehow, Jaehyun’s lips find his and, for the first time in years, Doyoung has his head empty of all thought. All he could do was kiss him back, but even that was just instinct, no reasoning involved. It felt like fresh air for his overworked mind.

 

But then it began again. Thinking, thinking, and thinking. Why? Why? Why would he kiss me? Why is he back? Why is he…?

 

Doyoung only slightly realised he’d fallen to the ground when he found himself trapped in Jaehyun’s warm and solid body, his soft smell of oranges dumbing him down and calming him from whatever had just happened to him.

 

“Sorry” said Jaehyun. “I never meant to hurt you again. It’s just that you were looking at me in such a way and you look so amazing and- damn, I think I love you”.

 

The air was tense for minutes while Doyoung tried to make sense of what Jaehyun had said, even more so because people were starting to stare, some worried and some annoyed. Jaehyun pulled Doyoung -or what was left from him- up and took him away, the mac and cheese long forgotten for both of them.

 

“You can reply later, think it through. I’ll take you home so you rest. You’re very distraught”.

 

Doyoung nodded, holding onto him just like he figuratively did years ago, making him his anchor again.

 

Choosing him with all of his heart, even when he knew it was wrong. Because he knew, in the back of his mind, that Jung Yoonoh had been waiting for him, and that meant more to him than his damned pride.

 

A lot more.

 


	2. found

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The pieces fell back into place, but it's still a long way to go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew, this was hard. Anyway, enjoy!

Jaehyun never thought he’d fall in love witk Kim Dongyoung of all people.

 

 

When they were kids, Doyoung was basically perfect. He sang like an actual angel, he wasn’t rude and he accepted becoming Jaehyun’s friend right away, which was all he could’ve asked for. Slowly, but surely, Jaehyun fell for him, but by the time he realised Doyoung had already told him how important he was for him as a friend, and how he never wanted that to change.

 

Jaehyun remembers himself agreeing that it shouldn’t ever change, but the fact that he was lying hurt his heart. He wanted to openly love Doyoung, even back then.

 

But he’d agreed to it. So he didn’t let his love show through more than what was deemed friendly.

 

He didn’t precisely notice Doyoung starting to fall at first. He did notice Doyoung getting even closer to him, sleeping at his house and talking with him for hours about everything and nothing. In those hours, he fell even more for the boy.

 

But one day, he heard some weird noises coming from his room. Jaehyun had been out buying snacks and had left Doyoung alone for a bit, but he came back to seeing Doyoung in a corner, having turned into a human ball and crying in a way that teared Jaehyun’s heart into more pieces than the time he called him his best friend back then. This was Doyoung’s heart, not his. Doyoung shouldn’t be hurt like, ever. He was just too important.

 

Jaehyun pretended like he never saw it. But he did sit down and chatted with Doyoung. He let the boy talk as much as he needed to, feeling more heartbroken as the story progressed: he was lost and lonely.

 

But something he said closed the deal for Jaehyun:

 

“All I have is you, Yoonoh. You’re the most important person right now, the only one I can trust. My only friend...”

 

Doyoung’s eyes had been so teary, and his lips so chapped, but Jaehyun still wanted to kiss him and push all of his thoughts back to where they should’ve never left from.

 

But, at the same time, he wanted to run away, because it was hurting him so much that, even after so long, Doyoung still saw him as a friend and nothing more. It upset him. Of course Doyoung wouldn’t notice, he had his own more important problems. But he really, really wanted him to notice. That’s when he knew it had gone from liking to actually being in love. It scared him.

 

That’s why he ran, that excuse of an apology sent to Doyoung only making his heart hurt more. He needed time to learn to put Doyoung’s needs over his, maybe forget him if he was lucky.

 

But he wasn’t. Years went by and Jaehyun was still dreaming of Doyoung, his angel, and having nightmares with that one time he found him totally destroyed in his bedroom.

 

So Jaehyun decided that maybe it would be better to talk to Doyoung about how he felt and reassure him that, whatever his feelings were, he’d never leave him again.

 

He did. After the scene in the supermarket, Jaehyun took Doyoung home and they talked for hours about things. When Doyoung admitted he’d been in love with him the entire time, Jaehyun couldn’t believe it and he just had to kiss him again.

 

Doyoung still had a long way to go to stop worrying about the smallest of things, but this time Jaehyun is entirely by his side. And that makes things a million times better.

 

What Doyoung thought was wrong was actually only what was right.

 

He found his way, where Yoonoh found him and lead him to it. Together.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end! This story in particular means a lot to me (it hits rather close to home in some aspects). despite that, it was very enjoyable to write and hopefully to read as well. Thank u for making it here! lmk what you think ;)

**Author's Note:**

> Next chapter is more about Jaehyun's feelings and what happened with him while he was away.


End file.
